27/365

day 27.
i said i wasn’t going to post. but i am going to post sometime. when i feel the need. when i feel alone like right now.

Today at school was the mun. I wanted to be something. But I spent all the morning with the worst teacher. It was so awful. All the girls were dress so cool. I loved it. It was the first time they did it. I went to cevaz it was the final test I got one of the worst news. They guy I liked wasn’t going to be in the same classes as me. So I may not see him. He made my days better. He didn’t even talked to me a lot. But just looking at him. He gave me strength to keep going and to keep the teacher that hate me. That always happen. At the first time I didn’t want to go because I hated the teacher. When I met him I didn’t care about the teacher. I wanted to see him. I started liking the teacher and liking everyone there. I remember the days I lost being angry. I wish I could regret time. But I can’t. “When I started liking and loving things in my life for the first time, soon enough everything is gone” anything last forever. For me the time between forever is so short. I’ve been getting a lot of bad news. My mom quit her job. She was doing illegal things that her boss made her do. She didn’t want to go to jail. She did the right thing she quit. She has been looking for a job that she could win the same money she used to. I don’t have a dad. He left me when I was 3. For me he is dead. Today she went to ccs for a day to look for a work. I was really bad. My mom is really smart. She will find something. Good will help her.

When I was in the car on my way to the gym my mom told me:
My cousin. The worst problem. She.. Has cancer. She was getting better with the quimios and all. She finished the second session. She was feeling better. When she got their tests done it says that the cancer have been running all over her little tiny body. She is worst. I don’t know how many time she will be living. The doctor says the possibilities are too little. For me. There are always possibilities.

Now I am at home. It’s 11 o’clock. There’s a crazy drunk men in the door outside of my house. Saying he want to enter, to kill us. We call kareta he took him out but he came back. I am so afraid. I am crying. My mom just tell me to go to my room. No I can’t go out. I am here in my room I can’t go outside. I am crying so bad. We called the police like 3 times. He didn’t do anything. This is not us. This is one of the worst city ever.

Nothing can’t made my day. I won’t sleep. I can’t continue. I need you Good.

25/365

day 25.

messy monday.

today wasn’t boring. today was cool. i went to school. everything normal. then to my english classes. i talked more with the guy i liked. but still normal. and then i went too the gym with lauren and her sister. i love going there that made my day. when i get home i was really tired. the lights went off for 2 hours. i was really tired and bored. when the energy came back. i did my homework and i am watching tv.
a typical monday. but there was a diferet that today was a good monday.

this is an old picture that bring me back a lot of great memories. i wish i could go back to the past. I hate living here. i hate this president. Today everyone went to the streets. a lot of death people. RIP. and a lot of people injured. i hope everythings get better.

24/365

day 24.

Maybe I’m still a kid….playing with my mom’s close and make up, falling from those black high heels that used to look so big, so powerful but today they fit perfectly… Am I supposed to wear them? Because I still fall….I still do my make up like a clown and the close doesn’t look good on me… Am I a little girl or a young adult? I can’t figure it out and if I can…I would be scared of the answer…

If I’m a little girl people won’t take me seriously, they will treat me like I can’t understand anything and if I’m a young adult I will get scared and I’ll probably run behind my mom’s legs like a baby over every bad situation… someday mom won’t be there for me to hide behind her legs.. But I also I want to be respected and treated like a grown, mature young lady..
But for now I’ll stay in the middle…what some call teenage years but I just call it the middle….its the perfect moment for me to choose who I am going to be and also to remember the past…the middle hurts a lot and its not easy….but what is easy in this life? Easy takes the fun out of life even if easy attracts us more than hard…..hard pays off.

today i dreamed my mom had cancer. i haven’t told her yet. i am worried. the worst of my fear is her. Death. i am so scared. i love my family. i don’t actually know if they know i do. because they think i don’t. but i totally do.
today i went to the pool at the creole. i had i great time. and for the first time of my life i actually enjoyed the church. i love my good. then i went to the mall and ate.
i ate a lot today. tomorrow i am going to the gym i am excited.
i love this pic. i don’t know why.

23/365

day 23.

today was fine. i spent all day watching tv. in the morning my mom took my cellphone away because i told her some thing i shouldn’t but then they took it back to me. then i went to the roller club with some friends. i met an amzing people. it was fun.

but as a routine something has to ruined my day. my mom told me soemthing that ruined all my work. i tried to forgot the fear. i have been trying since more than 2 weeks. when my mind was getting clear. all came back. i am scared now.

22/365

Day 22.

Today was.. okay?. My mom is at the hospital with my grandfather. well my mom’s father better. i don’t have a lot of feeling for him. he was gone. he left my lovely grandmother, he was an alcholic. Now he has cancer, he need help, my mom is never going to say no. So i haven’t seen all day. and she’s going to sleep at the hospital! i wanna see her. whatever. today i didn’t went to the gym i went to andrea’s home. this is an old photo. nessa and i share our closes.

Everything is better. not perfect. but a lot of better. i thinkl that now i am on my way to the happines i hope.

it’s 10 o’clock and my eyes closing alone. today i started a gossip page with my friends.

mom i love you. what would be life without you?

21/365

day 21.

Busy Thursday.
today i did a lot of things. first i went to the Publix w/ my mom. Then i went to the dentist. then to cut my hair and they cut it a lot, no i have it short. I am angry about it. later i went to the Gym. and i found the guy i used to like. ewwmagawwd he was so hot. i had so much fun. finally i had dinner at antica. i had a lot of fun.
but the fear in my heart still. not a lot. but still.

20/365

Day 20.

Busy wednesday.
i was very busy today. doing school things, studin, doing sheets. Today i finally went to the gym. i start tomorrow with my friend. I am ecxited about it.

The most part of the fear is gone. but my heart still break. i still feel that FEARLESS feeling. For some stupid reasons.
These day we’ve been talking to ronny. haha so much fun!

19/365

Day 19.

Today i got my notes. My mom went to school and picked them. It was Great. Not bad. Not awesome. Just great. We went out for lunch. I took a nap and the afternoon went fast. Then when the lights when off we went for a walk.

Back to the Reality. I wanna get out of here. These days i have been thinking just about dead. I am SCARED.

My problem.

I think too much.

I talk too much.

I care too much.

I love too much.

I cry too much.

I expect too much.

I try too hard.